Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
