just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
