i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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