she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
