I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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