whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
