the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
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But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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