Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
