I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
