Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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