this beer tastes like vomit already
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
