So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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