Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude. I can hear the air.
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