Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
