I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
