Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.

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  (925): just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win. http://tfl.nu/n1uf
  Replies (14) Good night (2747) Bad night (985)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

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  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (24114) Bad night (1114)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.

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  (612): Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment. http://tfl.nu/63yr
  Replies (11) Good night (3866) Bad night (633)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone

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  (321): Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone http://tfl.nu/v4em
  Replies (29) Good night (832) Bad night (4081)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

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  (602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7
  Replies (17) Good night (1255) Bad night (4876)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

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  (317): she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch. http://tfl.nu/cail
  Replies (51) Good night (1222) Bad night (5754)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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  (519): Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife. http://tfl.nu/uqm2
  Replies (13) Good night (1556) Bad night (5393)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?

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  (906): Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am? http://tfl.nu/ceer
  Replies (12) Good night (2849) Bad night (1361)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.

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  (713): He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that. http://tfl.nu/cec8
  Replies (6) Good night (796) Bad night (1575)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.

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  (919): What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic. http://tfl.nu/uq7x
  Replies (19) Good night (3199) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  How small IS your cock?

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  (315): Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing. (1-315): How small IS your cock? http://tfl.nu/y2pr
  Replies (6) Good night (1682) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  So stoned i forgot i was in bed

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  (585): So stoned i forgot i was in bed http://tfl.nu/69t5
  Replies (1) Good night (1062) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (298): View more from

  The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You're the only meteorologist I listen to.

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  (298): The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations. (208): You're the only meteorologist I listen to. http://tfl.nu/2k8s
  Replies (3) Good night (2109) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.

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  (604): Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day. http://tfl.nu/pwtj
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?

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  (239): Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary? http://tfl.nu/5nbk
  Replies (4) Good night (285) Bad night (200)

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