Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".

(262): View more from Wisconsin

I am the king of creep.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

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(208): View more from Idaho

aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

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(585): View more from New York

yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(806): View more from Texas

Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.

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(512): View more from Texas

There are so many Jimmy John's employees here

(1-512): View more from Texas

Where are you?

(512): View more from Texas

Jimmy John's.

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(954): View more from Florida

You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street

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(707): View more from California

Hahah. They reconnected again?

(1-707): View more from California

Like with his penis I guess

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(843): View more from South Carolina

If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?

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