for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i think im in europe. pls send help