What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.