I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.