I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
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I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?