What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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