I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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