He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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