There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
