I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
