if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
