whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
