I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
