I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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