I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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