I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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