I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The air taste purple.
Randomize
