So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
