you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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