yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
