What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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