I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
