Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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