Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
