C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
