Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
