i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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