I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
