You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
