I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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