He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
