My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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