So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
