never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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