Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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