last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
