It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
