Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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