how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
