I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
