you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
