My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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