i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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