I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
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wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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