Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
