I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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