I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He shit in the fireplace
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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