he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
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He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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