I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
