I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
