omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
