I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
