Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize