I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
