Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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