my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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