respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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