It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
