Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
