i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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