my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
