Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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