Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
