Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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