New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
