Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
